Tricky Patterns

Many times i feel we all are so conditioned.. To follow certain things in life.. Some of them due to the fear of "society", some of them out of love and respect for the family, and some of them just because thats what we've been doing all our lives or maybe have been seeing people around do it, and so we end up getting conditioned to expect the same things, and do things in such a way that that is what happens to us..
We tend to fall in a pattern of sorts.. Or maybe people make us fall into a pattern and we don't even realise.. Until one fine sunny day or a cold dark night, when you suddenly realise, that what you've been seeing around you, what you have been doing and expecting to happen in your life, is something that is not meant for you, never was.. And then you realise the reason that has been eluding you for all this while.. The sole reason behind all pain.. The pattern that you allowed yourself to fall into..
These patterns might do you good, cause there are examples of people having fallen into them and seemingly having a good life.. almost all of them..
But have we ever tried questioning them, what their real dream was, and where they are now? Not only in terms of a career or a family, but in the general sense of being happy.. How many people you meet can smile and say without second thoughts, that they are happy with their life that very moment? That if they were to die now, they will have no regrets? that they've done most of the things they always wanted to do? That they've not held themselves back for any sort of fear, For the fear of society, hurting close ones, the fear of losing.. That they over came all sort of fear and did what they really wanted to?

I believe most of us hold ourselves back thinking about a lot of things like society , family and failure.. We are scared to fall out of the pattern that has been set before us.. But how many of us realise, that this pattern is nothing but a choice? How many of us have the courage to choose what we really want? Without guilt, without getting bogged down by guilt? Family will be happy if you are happy, and the society doesn't give a shit anyway.. Are your desires your feelings intense and true enough to overcome all your fears? are you strong enough?

A recent 5-10 mins conversation with someone unexpected, made me go over my life in general.. About the decisions i've taken and the ones that i'm taking now..

Certain aspects of life keep following a pattern.. but there is this one part of life, that refuses to behave or fall in any pattern of any sort.. It is a rebel.. and i believe that is the part that makes me, me.. I also believe every person has something within them that will never fall in line. that will refuse to follow anyone's orders. However small, unnoticed or insignificant that part might be, it exists. and that is the true you..

These patterns are tricky things.. That conversation made me realise what i really want, which i had an inkling of, but i realised it in depth that night.. Sometimes help comes from the most unlikely of places.. We just need to keep our soul open to receive, and our heart open, to give.. :)

For everyone/everything else there are these tricky patterns.. Not for the real you! :)

About love

Be ready, this one, might turn into a LONG! post.. ;)

Just yesterday, coming back from a friend's wedding, in that not so comfortable sleeper coach, sitting on the upper berth, i wondered for some reason about what love is.. And realized that i was wondering aloud, resulting in all the tired, yet not wanting to sleep, heads to get ticking! Then they started pitching in their own definitions of what love is, maybe from what they've experienced, or heard from others. It also led to awkward situations and questions, pregnant pauses, and not so satisfactory answers.. But well the question still remains does anyone really know what love is? i'm still at a loss if i know what this feeling really is..

Some things that came through from others were..

Love is habit, when you stay with each other for long, share every moment of life, talk about everything with each other, cannot live without the other, when you need them , they become a habit and hence love is habit.

Love is adjustment, when you love a person (though we don't know what love is ;)), we are ready to adjust for them, even not do things which we so love to do, because they don't like them. So we adjust for them, because we want them to be happy, and don't want to hurt them, because we love them. So love is adjustment.

Love is sacrifice, might be a bit similar to adjustment, but with greater intensity. When you love someone, you are willing to sacrifice everything for them. No matter what it is. You might end up changing yourself completely for the one you love. Sometime sacrifice even includes giving up the person whom you so love, because you love them.. This might mean setting them free, or something similar. So love is also sacrifice.

Love is attraction, love is lust. For some, love is lust.. The sheer attraction and carnic desire to possess the body of the person they love, which in their opinion is love. It could be their way to express what they feel.

Love is pain, when a person feels sorrow, seeing the one they love in pain, then that is love. When you go through intense pain and are still willing to go through it with not one word of complain for the person you love, then that pain is love.

Love is patience, when you are willing to wait for someone to come to you no matter how long it takes, then that is love.

And so on and so forth.

I got a lot of opinions, but all most all of them comparing love to another emotion, or saying that that other emotion is what love is. All these things if considered individually cannot be termed as love. So, is love a gathering of all sorts of emotions? Or does love need the support of another emotion to define it? Is it like air or water, which is colorless, which cannot be seen without adding a color or flavor to it? Or does something like love does not exist on its own? it is always born out of a mixture of many emotions? Like some compound in scientific terms.

Then i asked, if love is habit, if after being with each other for so long you know everything about that person, and you are used to him, you know what his next move/reaction/action is going to be. Then, what is it when you don't spend time with the person, when due to certain external reasons it is not possible to share everything with him and yet you know what that person would do when? But whenever you meet, you are as synchronized as if you've been together for all your life? You will know exactly how the person is going to react, or be?

If love is adjustment/sacrifice, when you are willing to adjust for the sake of the other person's joy. Then, what is it, when the other person will not let you adjust, because he wants you to be the way you are, and though some of your things might cause him discomfort, he will not let it get to him? When he does not expect you to sacrifice anything, and neither will you want him to do the same?

If love is attraction if love is lust, if love is possessiveness, then what is it, when you know that the other person might be with someone else at any given point of time, and still you know what he is thinking of.. When even after so much timing having passed, you share the same chemistry, and know each other like your own self?

What is it when without even having met the person, without having seen the person, at the first contact you know he is someone different? When you know that the thing which you share is not that people commonly come across? What is it that knowing full well of the other person's situation, nothing stops you from feeling the way you do. Not even yourself, not even that person. Nothing can stop you, or the other person. What is it, when two people are so synchronized that the other knows what one person is doing, thinking or feeling, even if they are miles apart, and not in touch. What is it when you just know that something is meant to be, and it shall always stay, even if in the material world it does not come alive. It may not, but since it is so alive and vibrant, nothing can stop it from being. Nothing can stop it from being noticed. People may try not to acknowledge it, they may try to crush it, blame it, disgrace it, but it will shine through.. What is it, that goes through hardships so unmanly, inflicted upon it by those two people and some by other people too.. What is it? Is it love? But then do we really know what love is?

Can you tell me something about love? My soul seems to reach no conclusion on this topic.. About love..

Expectations and assumptions

We've all heard people talk about this, experience this and yet do this- expect. We've heard people say that expectations hurt. It is actually not the expectations that hurt, but the fact that they might not come true, or it not coming true, that hurts. So what if we expect something, and it doesn't happen, and yet we are alright with it? Then expectations won't hurt right? So in the end its how we deal with things or react to things that hurts. Not the things themselves.
Going a bit personal, recently, i'd decided that i'm not going to expect anything from a certain person in my life. There was a lot of hurt and negativity which led me to do certain things, but i ended up realising that inspite of all that, the basis had not changed even a bit. This realisation was what made me decide. To just keep doing what my heart tells me. To not question it at all and just keep following it. All this while not expecting anything in return. Though its a very hard task, and we always want to keep following our heart without questioning it, or the other person; reminding the "questioning-and-expecting-self" about not expecting, helps a lot! When you do this, even the smallest act or reaction from the other person feels like a huge bonus..
So thats that about expectations..
A very close friend of mine (C.Jo) an engineer loves to critisize economics. He says why do we have to assume so many things? What the point of proving things on the basis of assumptions? and so on and so forth.. But then don't we assume most of the things in life? Like you are on an Indian road, there is a round about, and you only look on the right side n then the left of the road, BUT what if someone is coming from the right side while you are looking on the left?!? Don't we assume that no one will do something like that? Rule or no rules, we assume this, and we expect people to follow it! might be a bit weird example, but the point it we keep assuming a lot of things in our daily lives as well.
So when things are not under your control, specially in case of feelings, why not assume for the better than the worst? This combined with no expectation, will work wonders in your favor. Of course it will demand a lot of patience. i mean truck loads of patience(so wish patience could come in small packets, like a drug, i would inject it daily!).