Temptation

I bring you seemingly strange children of my un-ceasing thoughts..

(Read also: Seduction)

Temption and seduction are related. But i think we got the equation the wrong way around. Generally people think sedcution leads to temptation, but i believe temptation is born before seduction can lead it on.. Seduction is but a catalyst in helping the temptation reach its destination.. Seduction cannot nurture something that does not exist.. It is born after and for temptation, it nurtures temptation and also thrives on it.. :)

So do we really give in to sedcution or are we only blaming it for doing what we are tempated to do? :)

Road Crossing

Saw people crossing the road. Not that it happens rarely, but with me constantly putting my bike through its pace, though there no much left to explore of its pace now, rarely notice the way people crossing the road, ready to give up their lives right in under the front tyre of my bike. But yesterday i noticed and observed them much closely. Normally we just keep cursing the way people walk on roads or cross them, if you are a driver. So what i wondered yesterday is can we possibly understand things about someone's personality based on the way he crosses a street? Well, normally we do judge them, but thats superficial. Can their manner tell us in a matters of seconds about how that person is at work, or maybe how he lives life generally? I guess it should be pretty simple. Yesterday i saw a girl who started off from one end of the road, look and there were no vehicles coming from the right side so she started walking and even though she had not reached the divider, she did not look at that side again, and just concentrate on the other direction! i mean what if some vehicle had come from the right side before she reached the divider? Must be a very common occurance this, but could it tell us something about how this girl might be? I thought maybe taking up a tas but not completeling it before taking up another one? Apologies for being too judgemental and unfair even maybe about some random girl i don't even rememebr properly. But just a something that made me think there are so many things that tell us so many things about people, but we only choose to concentrate on a few things.
Atleast for me its about time i expand my horizon about what i gather from people's behaviour.

External or internal?

Sometimes its nice to relate our happiness or sorrow to things external to us. Though it is anything but true.. Wonder how many people are able to deal with the fact that the things and people that surround us are not actually the reason behind anything that we feel? That our sorrow and happiness and any other feelings (see also: seduction) are our own and not attributable to any external things. I get very scared n restless when this realisation hits me.. and it happens quite often. I feel that if these things all that we see cannot make me happy or sad or make me do nething else then what am i alive for? if everything comes from within myself then what is the point of having this physical world around me? why am i still here? But even after this fear and realisation hits me, it does not take the life out of me, so i have to deal with staying alive.. and then its good to have some anchor outside of myself to live for.. Though nothing seems to be that alluring once this realisation hits, but i cannot let go of the material world completely owing to the extreme fear..
I had some how managed to create an illusion for myself about many things, and though i know those things do not hold true in the larger scheme of things, i have to be material at some level. To rid myself of the fear and utter emptiness.. And then when i think of the humans that i live for, i understand that like me they too are going to be void of the material world, and hence they themselves are not material, i understand the connections and then the fear of losing them ebbs aways.. I find my buoy.. What is yours? within yourself or is it outside?

Seduction

Seduction is not skin deep, it goes much further inside.
It toys with the ego, and plays with the very essence of the being.
It comes from within and fools the holder and it makes us believe that it was the object that seduced.

Tricky Patterns

Many times i feel we all are so conditioned.. To follow certain things in life.. Some of them due to the fear of "society", some of them out of love and respect for the family, and some of them just because thats what we've been doing all our lives or maybe have been seeing people around do it, and so we end up getting conditioned to expect the same things, and do things in such a way that that is what happens to us..
We tend to fall in a pattern of sorts.. Or maybe people make us fall into a pattern and we don't even realise.. Until one fine sunny day or a cold dark night, when you suddenly realise, that what you've been seeing around you, what you have been doing and expecting to happen in your life, is something that is not meant for you, never was.. And then you realise the reason that has been eluding you for all this while.. The sole reason behind all pain.. The pattern that you allowed yourself to fall into..
These patterns might do you good, cause there are examples of people having fallen into them and seemingly having a good life.. almost all of them..
But have we ever tried questioning them, what their real dream was, and where they are now? Not only in terms of a career or a family, but in the general sense of being happy.. How many people you meet can smile and say without second thoughts, that they are happy with their life that very moment? That if they were to die now, they will have no regrets? that they've done most of the things they always wanted to do? That they've not held themselves back for any sort of fear, For the fear of society, hurting close ones, the fear of losing.. That they over came all sort of fear and did what they really wanted to?

I believe most of us hold ourselves back thinking about a lot of things like society , family and failure.. We are scared to fall out of the pattern that has been set before us.. But how many of us realise, that this pattern is nothing but a choice? How many of us have the courage to choose what we really want? Without guilt, without getting bogged down by guilt? Family will be happy if you are happy, and the society doesn't give a shit anyway.. Are your desires your feelings intense and true enough to overcome all your fears? are you strong enough?

A recent 5-10 mins conversation with someone unexpected, made me go over my life in general.. About the decisions i've taken and the ones that i'm taking now..

Certain aspects of life keep following a pattern.. but there is this one part of life, that refuses to behave or fall in any pattern of any sort.. It is a rebel.. and i believe that is the part that makes me, me.. I also believe every person has something within them that will never fall in line. that will refuse to follow anyone's orders. However small, unnoticed or insignificant that part might be, it exists. and that is the true you..

These patterns are tricky things.. That conversation made me realise what i really want, which i had an inkling of, but i realised it in depth that night.. Sometimes help comes from the most unlikely of places.. We just need to keep our soul open to receive, and our heart open, to give.. :)

For everyone/everything else there are these tricky patterns.. Not for the real you! :)

About love

Be ready, this one, might turn into a LONG! post.. ;)

Just yesterday, coming back from a friend's wedding, in that not so comfortable sleeper coach, sitting on the upper berth, i wondered for some reason about what love is.. And realized that i was wondering aloud, resulting in all the tired, yet not wanting to sleep, heads to get ticking! Then they started pitching in their own definitions of what love is, maybe from what they've experienced, or heard from others. It also led to awkward situations and questions, pregnant pauses, and not so satisfactory answers.. But well the question still remains does anyone really know what love is? i'm still at a loss if i know what this feeling really is..

Some things that came through from others were..

Love is habit, when you stay with each other for long, share every moment of life, talk about everything with each other, cannot live without the other, when you need them , they become a habit and hence love is habit.

Love is adjustment, when you love a person (though we don't know what love is ;)), we are ready to adjust for them, even not do things which we so love to do, because they don't like them. So we adjust for them, because we want them to be happy, and don't want to hurt them, because we love them. So love is adjustment.

Love is sacrifice, might be a bit similar to adjustment, but with greater intensity. When you love someone, you are willing to sacrifice everything for them. No matter what it is. You might end up changing yourself completely for the one you love. Sometime sacrifice even includes giving up the person whom you so love, because you love them.. This might mean setting them free, or something similar. So love is also sacrifice.

Love is attraction, love is lust. For some, love is lust.. The sheer attraction and carnic desire to possess the body of the person they love, which in their opinion is love. It could be their way to express what they feel.

Love is pain, when a person feels sorrow, seeing the one they love in pain, then that is love. When you go through intense pain and are still willing to go through it with not one word of complain for the person you love, then that pain is love.

Love is patience, when you are willing to wait for someone to come to you no matter how long it takes, then that is love.

And so on and so forth.

I got a lot of opinions, but all most all of them comparing love to another emotion, or saying that that other emotion is what love is. All these things if considered individually cannot be termed as love. So, is love a gathering of all sorts of emotions? Or does love need the support of another emotion to define it? Is it like air or water, which is colorless, which cannot be seen without adding a color or flavor to it? Or does something like love does not exist on its own? it is always born out of a mixture of many emotions? Like some compound in scientific terms.

Then i asked, if love is habit, if after being with each other for so long you know everything about that person, and you are used to him, you know what his next move/reaction/action is going to be. Then, what is it when you don't spend time with the person, when due to certain external reasons it is not possible to share everything with him and yet you know what that person would do when? But whenever you meet, you are as synchronized as if you've been together for all your life? You will know exactly how the person is going to react, or be?

If love is adjustment/sacrifice, when you are willing to adjust for the sake of the other person's joy. Then, what is it, when the other person will not let you adjust, because he wants you to be the way you are, and though some of your things might cause him discomfort, he will not let it get to him? When he does not expect you to sacrifice anything, and neither will you want him to do the same?

If love is attraction if love is lust, if love is possessiveness, then what is it, when you know that the other person might be with someone else at any given point of time, and still you know what he is thinking of.. When even after so much timing having passed, you share the same chemistry, and know each other like your own self?

What is it when without even having met the person, without having seen the person, at the first contact you know he is someone different? When you know that the thing which you share is not that people commonly come across? What is it that knowing full well of the other person's situation, nothing stops you from feeling the way you do. Not even yourself, not even that person. Nothing can stop you, or the other person. What is it, when two people are so synchronized that the other knows what one person is doing, thinking or feeling, even if they are miles apart, and not in touch. What is it when you just know that something is meant to be, and it shall always stay, even if in the material world it does not come alive. It may not, but since it is so alive and vibrant, nothing can stop it from being. Nothing can stop it from being noticed. People may try not to acknowledge it, they may try to crush it, blame it, disgrace it, but it will shine through.. What is it, that goes through hardships so unmanly, inflicted upon it by those two people and some by other people too.. What is it? Is it love? But then do we really know what love is?

Can you tell me something about love? My soul seems to reach no conclusion on this topic.. About love..

Expectations and assumptions

We've all heard people talk about this, experience this and yet do this- expect. We've heard people say that expectations hurt. It is actually not the expectations that hurt, but the fact that they might not come true, or it not coming true, that hurts. So what if we expect something, and it doesn't happen, and yet we are alright with it? Then expectations won't hurt right? So in the end its how we deal with things or react to things that hurts. Not the things themselves.
Going a bit personal, recently, i'd decided that i'm not going to expect anything from a certain person in my life. There was a lot of hurt and negativity which led me to do certain things, but i ended up realising that inspite of all that, the basis had not changed even a bit. This realisation was what made me decide. To just keep doing what my heart tells me. To not question it at all and just keep following it. All this while not expecting anything in return. Though its a very hard task, and we always want to keep following our heart without questioning it, or the other person; reminding the "questioning-and-expecting-self" about not expecting, helps a lot! When you do this, even the smallest act or reaction from the other person feels like a huge bonus..
So thats that about expectations..
A very close friend of mine (C.Jo) an engineer loves to critisize economics. He says why do we have to assume so many things? What the point of proving things on the basis of assumptions? and so on and so forth.. But then don't we assume most of the things in life? Like you are on an Indian road, there is a round about, and you only look on the right side n then the left of the road, BUT what if someone is coming from the right side while you are looking on the left?!? Don't we assume that no one will do something like that? Rule or no rules, we assume this, and we expect people to follow it! might be a bit weird example, but the point it we keep assuming a lot of things in our daily lives as well.
So when things are not under your control, specially in case of feelings, why not assume for the better than the worst? This combined with no expectation, will work wonders in your favor. Of course it will demand a lot of patience. i mean truck loads of patience(so wish patience could come in small packets, like a drug, i would inject it daily!).